We ou pita, Ayiti.

I can't believe it. My mind cannot comprehend that this is my last day in Haiti. My spirit is overwhelmed at the idea of 'goodbye'.... to this beautiful place and precious people... a place that has, surprisingly, at some unknown point, became like home and a part of my heart.

Again, my heart breaks. It is so full of love for the people I've met, it breaks, and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face.

I've had a wonderful week with my mom and Ashlee, visited OLTCH, New Horizons, Maxo's School, Haiti Health Ministries clinic, been to Bible Study, Haitian church, the beach... I've had to ask our great God for the strength to accomplish this seemingly impossible task: saying goodbye. Goodbyes that may have to last until Jesus comes back and I can see these godly adults and beautiful, little children again in eternity. And in His faithfulness, His strength helped me to accomplish this without falling apart.

Now, the idea of coming back to the United States tomorrow..... it feels strikingly similar to how I felt right before I left it:

I'm SO very excited for this new adventure God has for me, but I'm also very nervous.

The nerves might come as a surprise to many of you. Why should I be nervous about coming "home"?!

I'm nervous because, as much as I have called Wisconsin home, Haiti has become home, too. It became my new normal. Now I have two homes. Two VERY different homes. And now I am supposed to come home and completely readjust to the place that I have called home the longest. And what if that "home" just doesn't quite feel like home anymore...?

I am nervous because I am coming back to a place that is clean. A place where people drive on the right side of paved roads in an orderly fashion. A place where electricity almost always works and I can drink out of any faucet I want. A place where if I get sick I can be at a clinic in less than ten minutes and if I get hurt an ambulance will come right to my house right away. A place where I won't have to sleep under a mosquito net and everyone will be wearing nice clothes and drinking expensive coffee. A place where there are no palm trees, towering green mountains and cerulean sea. A place where nearly every person has a house. A place where garbage is kept inside trash cans and garbage trucks, not burning, piled up in the streets. A place where Caucasians are the majority and English is the main language, and where tiny ants will not crawl into bed with me (yay!).

I am nervous because I so don't want to become the whiney, impatient person I was before Haiti. I don't want to forget why I'm living and waste my life by being self-centered, self-sufficient and self-serving. I don't want to forget what I've seen.

I am nervous because I know the hundreds of questions that are coming....

"How was Haiti?"
"What did God teach you?"
"What is God doing in Haiti?"
"How has God changed you?"
"Did you love it?!"

And nervous because I'm not sure I have all the answers to those questions yet.

I'm nervous because of the expectations that well-meaning people will have for my experiences, and that I may not live up to them.

But, by God's grace, I am trying to once again trust Him. That, just like before, He has taken hold of my hand and will guide me through this too, no matter how scary, exciting or unknown it may seem. In fact, He planned all of this out ahead of time. He is a God that is bigger than reverse culture shock. He is a God that knows the deepest parts of me, and so I don't need to be afraid. He is trustworthy and faithful; through Him all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He stays the same, and I trust that He has a HUGE, awesome plan for all of my experiences: good, bad, beautiful and ugly. All of them.

I'm so excited to be able to hug the loved ones I left behind and look them in the eyes! I am so excited to worship in my church, where I can understand the sermon and songs and be surrounded by familiar,  godly believers. I am so excited to see how much my little brother has grown and to stay up late talking and laughing with my family and friends. And, by golly, I am VERY excited to eat Chinese food, wear cute clothes and get my favorite Caribou Coffee drink!!! ;) I am SO excited for the new opportunities God has headed my way this summer.

I think I'm ready for the next chapter of this adventure. :) By God's grace and strength, I'm ready.