We ou pita, Ayiti.

I can't believe it. My mind cannot comprehend that this is my last day in Haiti. My spirit is overwhelmed at the idea of 'goodbye'.... to this beautiful place and precious people... a place that has, surprisingly, at some unknown point, became like home and a part of my heart.

Again, my heart breaks. It is so full of love for the people I've met, it breaks, and I can't stop the tears from streaming down my face.

I've had a wonderful week with my mom and Ashlee, visited OLTCH, New Horizons, Maxo's School, Haiti Health Ministries clinic, been to Bible Study, Haitian church, the beach... I've had to ask our great God for the strength to accomplish this seemingly impossible task: saying goodbye. Goodbyes that may have to last until Jesus comes back and I can see these godly adults and beautiful, little children again in eternity. And in His faithfulness, His strength helped me to accomplish this without falling apart.

Now, the idea of coming back to the United States tomorrow..... it feels strikingly similar to how I felt right before I left it:

I'm SO very excited for this new adventure God has for me, but I'm also very nervous.

The nerves might come as a surprise to many of you. Why should I be nervous about coming "home"?!

I'm nervous because, as much as I have called Wisconsin home, Haiti has become home, too. It became my new normal. Now I have two homes. Two VERY different homes. And now I am supposed to come home and completely readjust to the place that I have called home the longest. And what if that "home" just doesn't quite feel like home anymore...?

I am nervous because I am coming back to a place that is clean. A place where people drive on the right side of paved roads in an orderly fashion. A place where electricity almost always works and I can drink out of any faucet I want. A place where if I get sick I can be at a clinic in less than ten minutes and if I get hurt an ambulance will come right to my house right away. A place where I won't have to sleep under a mosquito net and everyone will be wearing nice clothes and drinking expensive coffee. A place where there are no palm trees, towering green mountains and cerulean sea. A place where nearly every person has a house. A place where garbage is kept inside trash cans and garbage trucks, not burning, piled up in the streets. A place where Caucasians are the majority and English is the main language, and where tiny ants will not crawl into bed with me (yay!).

I am nervous because I so don't want to become the whiney, impatient person I was before Haiti. I don't want to forget why I'm living and waste my life by being self-centered, self-sufficient and self-serving. I don't want to forget what I've seen.

I am nervous because I know the hundreds of questions that are coming....

"How was Haiti?"
"What did God teach you?"
"What is God doing in Haiti?"
"How has God changed you?"
"Did you love it?!"

And nervous because I'm not sure I have all the answers to those questions yet.

I'm nervous because of the expectations that well-meaning people will have for my experiences, and that I may not live up to them.

But, by God's grace, I am trying to once again trust Him. That, just like before, He has taken hold of my hand and will guide me through this too, no matter how scary, exciting or unknown it may seem. In fact, He planned all of this out ahead of time. He is a God that is bigger than reverse culture shock. He is a God that knows the deepest parts of me, and so I don't need to be afraid. He is trustworthy and faithful; through Him all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He stays the same, and I trust that He has a HUGE, awesome plan for all of my experiences: good, bad, beautiful and ugly. All of them.

I'm so excited to be able to hug the loved ones I left behind and look them in the eyes! I am so excited to worship in my church, where I can understand the sermon and songs and be surrounded by familiar,  godly believers. I am so excited to see how much my little brother has grown and to stay up late talking and laughing with my family and friends. And, by golly, I am VERY excited to eat Chinese food, wear cute clothes and get my favorite Caribou Coffee drink!!! ;) I am SO excited for the new opportunities God has headed my way this summer.

I think I'm ready for the next chapter of this adventure. :) By God's grace and strength, I'm ready.

Measles, Teething Babies and Scabies!

This week has been very much a medical week for me!

Let's just say I have learned how to treat measles, scabies and teething babies. ;)

At the beginning of this week, all of the boys and MOST of the girls at OLTCH orphanage contracted the measles!

How cute are they?!? :)

Needless to say, Calamine lotion doesn't rub in very well on African skin. ;)

They are feeling better now, just pray no more new cases break out! Especially not for the Madames (the adult women that help care for the children). Measles is MUCH worse for adults!!

Some of the babies also had the measles, and a couple of these babies were also teething!! :( Poor little guys.... But with some children's pain medication and teething tablets, they were like new babies!

Starting yesterday began a whole NEW endeavor.... My doctor friend and I, Sally, are attempting to help New Horizons Orphanage be RID of scabies.

This is NO small feat, people. There are 30 people that live there, and over half of them are infected with scabies!!

In order to get rid of the mites, Madame Christian, her husband, Sally and I have to put ALL of their clothes, shoes and sheets in bags for 3 days, scrub the bed frames and floors with boiling water, get all new mattresses (these were generously donated), give the children baths, scrub them from head to toe with medicine once a day for the next three days, get all new sheets and clothes....

And if we miss ONE tiny mite, ALL the kids will just get re-infected!! As you can imagine, trying to accomplish this with about 25 children plus a few adults is a TON of work!! And for a lot of this process we have had NO translator (I tried to serve as a translator... a very BAD translator ;)

So PLEASE pray that all goes well for the next three days and that these kids can experience healing!

P.S. My mom comes here to Haiti TOMORROW!!!! :) What a blessing that God has given us!! Please pray for safety for my mom as she travels (she should get into Haiti around 4:50 pm) and for safety getting her home, because there has been quite a bit of violence via protesting in Port-au-Prince this last week. The protests SHOULD be over today, but in this country you just never know. =/

Then my mom and I will be flying back home, to the States, the following Saturday... I can't believe how fast time has flown! Please pray that I will not miss any of the experiences God wants me to have this last week or the lessons He wants to teach me (and my mom!! :) . 

God bless!!!

I Want to be a Songbird

I have been singing this song, by Jillian Edwards, all week.
These lyrics are really the desire of my heart... I long to bring joy to a crying, hurting, broken world; to sing of God's goodness, compassion and healing love here and now... to make people stop and stand in awe of Christ and bring a smile to their face. I want to to be fully embodied by the love of Christ for all of my life. I want to show and tell them that the kingdom of heaven is near!
I want my heart to break for what breaks the heart of God, and I want to come out singing.

Songbird


I want to be a songbird
And I want to sit on the tallest branch
Of the tallest tree
And I want to sing lullabies
To Earth as she cries
I really want to try and make her laugh
I want to be a songbird

And I want to watch the sunrise
With my Love by my side
And I want to grow
And I want to learn 
I want to fire
And I want to burn
I want to rise
And I want to fall
I want to run
And I want to crawl

I want to be a songbird

And I just want to try 
To know how far and deep and wide
This love is that You give
Cause that's what it is to really live
To just try and look around
See You in our breaths
And hear You in our sounds
I want to be a songbird

Go through things that I need
Make me hurt, make me bleed
Cause I will arise and see the light
I'll pray my way through the night
And I want to be a songbird

And I want to sing lullabies
To Earth and she cries
I really want to try and make her laugh
How You made me laugh
You made me laugh
You made me laugh

Take the strings and the things
I use to tie me to the ground
Let them all be gone
I want to be a songbird
I want to be a songbird

Bel Ti Fi

My heart is shattered.... completely broken.

Yesterday, April 15th, 2012, we said goodbye to sweet baby, Ella Grace.

She fought hard for life all day at the hospital, but her poor, malnourished, dehydrated body was worn out. She breathed her last around 2 pm.

I wish I had some godly, wise words to impart to you all in this time, but I find that I have no idea what to say. My only comfort is imagining baby Ella smiling, healthy, running and dancing with her Father in heaven. She will never hurt, cry or be hungry ever again!

You are already sorely missed, beautiful girl, bel tifi. I can't wait to see you again in heaven: joyful, stunningly beautiful and perfectly healthy. You were a beautiful, radiant light in our lives for the short time you were here. You have forever left your tiny handprint on my heart and so many others' hearts, and we will never be the same.

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.

Please pray for Lauren, the young lady at the orphanage who was basically Ella's mommy for over a month. She took wonderful care of her night and day, showing her Jesus' love and comfort, and loved her so incredibly much. Also, please pray for Ella's biological parents.

The Czechs are Here!!

This last week I had off, meaning there was not a team here at the Haitian Queen. So I spent much of my time getting some R&R, running some errands in Port-au-Prince, visiting OLTCH (every time I was greeted with shouts of "Betani!!!" and got tackled by lots of little boys ;) , and having a fun day in the mountains at the Haiti Baptist Mission with some friends (fellow ReachGlobal staff member Wes and OLTCH staff).
At this Mission there is a zoo. Yes, a zoo. It has one sad, little monkey (pictured below), LOTS of rabbits, and several caged goats (Laughable. Goats wander freely EVERYWHERE in Haiti. Those were the first caged goats I had ever seen in this country!!). It even had a little museum as well! We ate at an American-style restaurant (in the U.S. it would have been regular old fast food, but here in Haiti for lots of Americans who hadn't eaten that kind of food for a long time it was GOURMET!), saw lots of blancs, heard lots of English, and enjoyed the stunning beauty of the mountains and refreshingly cool (almost chilly, for here!) air. It was a much-needed, sort-of taste of home. :)

Poor monkey. The only one in Haiti. So sad. I think it also might have been a touch crazy.

Now, my week off is over as a team from the Czech Republic is here for the next two weeks! It will prove to be a very interesting two weeks, as only one team member speaks English well, and so has to serve as THE translator! They will be doing various construction projects in the area. It will be two weeks full of many different cultures and languages! How fun. :)

Also, it thrills me to formally announce here on my blog that MY MOM IS COMING TO HAITI TWO WEEKS FROM TODAY!!! :)) She and I will get to spend a week together here, seeing what I have been seeing for over a month and just having a ball!! Then she and I will be traveling back home to the States the next Saturday, May 5th. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!! :)

The week at OLTCH in photos

This past week I had the privilege of spending nearly every day, all day, at OLTCH orphanage. I hung out with the kids so much and had such a special, joyful, rejuvenating time. These kids bring me so much joy!!

 Daika colored me lots of pictures!

"Alo??" ;)

Baby Elijah at this point in time was YANKING on my hair.

 Felo! 

 Ella Grace! She was sick all this last week but is feeling better. :)

 The team added on to Jasmine's (the orphanage owner) little house!

 Lowenski- a boy who, when we first met, was very wary of me, but now is attached to me at the hip and will defend me in front of all of his teasing friends!

 My main man (the boy who I have bonded with most) Manu (nickname for Emmanuel: "God With Us")!! Love his beautiful face.

 Me and my closest orphanage buddies.

 There's a smile that would light up the dark!! :)

Rodner colored me a picture! He is the most intelligent, soft-hearted, thoughtful boy. His family came to see him this week, for which he was ECSTATIC about!! I loved seeing him follow his mommy around; so happy. :)

 Teehee! Valencia. :) She loves calling my name ("Betani!!") and then just grins at me with nothing to tell me. ;)

Ella Grace napping

YAY!! It loaded!! One of the most special moments of the week: William out of nowhere starts singing Mighty to Save as we color. And we all joined in. :) 

"Forever, He can move a mountain, my God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save!!" Haha ;) Love how they kind of made up their own words. Beautiful children!!

Let the Little Children Come

I have been trying to figure out how exactly I want to summarize the past week: it is very difficult. This last week was both full of great joy and also great sorrow. So. I shall describe the events of the week by putting them into high/low format.

High: Over 200 children received medical examinations. Some of them for the first time! Kids were diagnosed and had a medical file created for them, which will be kept at the local clinic. We were able to share God’s love for them through the tender care and compassion of  medical care.

Low: Many of the children had sicknesses that were beyond basic over-the-counter treatment. So many were afflicted with scabies, ringworm, fractured bones, malnourishment, worms and parasites and one girl even had autism. I knew that many of the kids that were diagnosed were, even though advised to do so strongly by the nurses, not going to go to the clinic for treatment. The clinic costs money, which most Haitians have very little to none of. Not sure if many of these kids will ever be healed of very preventable, easy-to-treat illnesses.

High: I got to spend SO much time with children: holding them tightly, singing to and with them, dancing with them, smiling and laughing with them…. It was heavenly. J Pure joy. Being with children really energizes me and keeps me going in weary, desperate Haiti.

Low: Many of the kids who belonged to the after-school club of New Horizons orphanage were VERY rude, draining and disobedient while we were trying to entertain them by letting them play with Play-doh and coloring books. That, mixed with the many people trying to get in at the orphanage gate but had to be turned away, desperate for free medical care, made for a stressful, disheartening morning.

High: At OLTCH orphanage in Leogane, about 20 children were tested for HIV-AIDS. I prepared myself for the worst based on what I knew about the extremely high amount of cases in Haiti. I watched those quick tests on the floor, hoping and praying that two little lines wouldn’t appear indicating that the results were positive. To my great joy, NONE of the tests came back positive!! Praise God!! J

Low: It was very difficult to watch the children react in fear and pain when poked with the testing needle. Heart-breaking, actually. One little boy that I have grown very close to at OLTCH, named Emmanuel, had a near panic attack during his examination. A boy with fear issues, he screamed in utter terror as the nurses looked in his ears, eyes and took his blood pressure. When the needle went into his foot… oh my. A desperate plea of “MAMA!!!” poured out of his mouth from his very soul, it seemed. I hadn’t cried all week, but when that word came out I couldn’t keep it in any more. See, Emmanuel was abandoned as a baby. He was left on the street to die, basically. His mama abandoned him, which most likely caused many of his fear issues. When he cried, I thought of the many times I had fallen and hurt myself; the first person I cried out for was Mama and I knew she would always be there to comfort me. Emmanuel has never had that. He was crying out for a mama he doesn’t have. And though he is now in the process of adoption (YAY!!) his adoptive mama wasn’t there for that traumatic event in his life. He’s going to need a lot of healing from both Jesus Christ and his adoptive parents. He let me hold him after his stressful doctor’s appointment, for which I was very thankful. J Both he and I needed someone to hold after that experience.

Matthew 18:1-5

 1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

 2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.